Mr. Me

I'm Blogging Again

Fri, 15 Jul 2016 19:41:50 GMT

I haven't really blogged since, well, Elder Smith came home and I quit updating http://elderjamessmith.com. However, now I'm blogging again since Elder Smith has left! That's for my younger son, Elder Smith! http://elderjordansmith.com

I may start posting here again, or, with the content that I may be posting, I may end up creating an altogether different blog. It's yet to be determined.

I'm still blogging...

Mon, 11 Nov 2013 09:32:31 GMT

Just not here.

Life has changed a bit. All of my blogging is happening in behalf of my missionary son on elderjamessmith.com. What a crazy month he's had--a 7.3 earthquake followed by the strongest tropical storm to ever make landfall in world history.

I was told that being a parent of a missionary would be hard. I just didn't know it would be THIS hard. As a friend put it, "I've never been asked to sacrifice this much." So true.

Yet the growth I've seen in my son is worth every bit of sacrifice.

You Can't Go Home Again

Sun, 23 Jun 2013 00:26:32 GMT

...the dark ancestral cave, the womb from which mankind emerged into the light, forever pulls one back - but...you can't go home again...you can't go...back home to the escapes of
Time and Memory. You Can't Go Home Again.
― Thomas Wolfe

This past week, I visited Billings, Montana. It's where I was born and where I lived until just before my 18th Birthday. Until this visit, every time I went back to Billings, it felt a little bit like coming home. This time, I felt...

...nothing.

We drove around town and I pointed out the places I had lived and attended school. We drove past church buildings and restaurants and parks. And all the while, I felt...

...nothing.

It was unexpected. I thought I would feel nostalgia. I thought I would feel some sort of emotional attachment to anything. I thought it would feel a little bit like coming home, but instead, I felt...

...nothing.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realized that in the past, I was coming home to people, not to a place. It wasn't a house or a school or a church that I was coming home to. I was coming home to parents and siblings. That's what caused the feeling of coming home that I used to get when driving the last miles into Billings. With no family to come home to, that may be the reason that I felt...

...nothing.

I left Billings in August, 1987, and since then, I've lived there a total of about 7 or 8 months. I have now lived in Utah County for a little under 22 years. I've lived in Utah County for a longer time than I lived in Billings. And when I drove the last few miles down Provo Canyon, it felt like coming home. I did get the feeling of coming home on this vacation. It just didn't happen where I thought it would.

La La La La Life Goes On

Tue, 04 Jun 2013 13:09:17 GMT

I've been absent for a while here. I have wanted to post things here and there, but life has gotten busy and posting on my blog has never been top priority for me. Sure, it's nice and all, and it's fun to keep people up-to-date on what's going on in my life, but when it comes down to it, I try to do the more important things first and post here when/if there's time left over.

Also, I often don't really have anything interesting to post. I'll open up a new post window and start to type something, and then realize it's boring and/or mundane. It's drivel. No need to bore people with drivel.

So, what's been going on?

When I have time to post something, often that time is used posting my son's latest letter on his missionary blog. That's much more important to me, to him, and to those that follow his blog. It's been so much fun for me to share the photos and stories he's sent to us so far. It's been strange to have half of my children not only gone, but living on the far side of this planet.

I've been trying to spend time with my younger son. He needs time and attention from his dad, especially lately since he has been trying to come to grips with the suicide of one of his closest friends. He and I like to watch The X-Files together, and we just finished watching Season 5. Now it's time to watch The X-Files: Fight the Future.

I had to finish up my semester at UVU, and since I was teaching from a different book, it took a lot of my "extra" time to prepare lectures, and to write quizzes and tests. I'll be teaching from that same book this fall, so that's going to be nice. I will just need to tweak things here and there instead of creating all of my course materials. I will also be using "clickers" for the first time this fall though, which might (or might not) take extra time.

I've been made a team lead at work, which has been taking more time than expected, especially at first. It's taking some time to find the new work/life balance. But I think I'm getting there.

Among all of that, I've also been trying to make time to spend with my wife, because in the next three or so years, we're going to be empty nesters. How strange is THAT?

Anyway, that's what's been going on. Only time will tell if this is the start of regular posts again or if this is one sporadic post among more months of silence.

He Arrived

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 11:11:42 GMT

What a crazy, crazy week.

Elder James Smith left the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah at around noon on Monday, 11 March, 2013. His mission president requested early travel for the fourteen missionaries that would be traveling together to the Philippines, Cebu mission. If Missionary Travel could get them there a day earlier, then they would arrive on their preparation day, and that would make things easier for the incoming missionaries as well as the fourteen missionaries that would be training them.

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry

--Robert Burns, 1785

In order to get the missionaries to Los Angeles at the last minute, the group of fourteen were broken up into three travel groups. James got to fly directly to Los Angeles from Salt Lake City, which was nice. Others had layovers in different airports.

We were able to talk to James very briefly in the Salt Lake airport, and he promised to call us for a longer visit when he had a layover in Los Angeles for several hours. After finding some dinner, James called, and we put the phone in the middle of the kitchen table and talked as a family for almost an hour. It was wonderful to hear his voice. It was fun to hear the excitement in his voice. I realized how much I miss his laugh and his humor. It was a very, VERY fun conversation.

We said goodbye, thinking we wouldn't hear his voice again until Mother's Day. We went about the rest of our evening activities, and I ended up falling asleep in front of the television. I was startled awake when my wife leaned over to shake me awake. She had woken up to the sound of my cellular phone ringing. I checked my voice mail, and it was James. I quickly checked the balance on the phone card we had given him to use and I added some money to it since it was getting low. He ended up checking the balance, heard that there was more money on the account, and knew that I had gotten his message, so he called back and told me what was going on in more detail.

All of the missionaries had met up in the Los Angeles International Airport and went together to the International terminal to check in for their flight and they were told that despite the fact that they had been given boarding passes, there were no associated tickets. They were told that they could change their flight for $75 per ticket. The travel leader called Missionary Travel and were given the go-ahead to pay the fees and they would be reimbursed. When he went back to pay the fees, it was no longer $75, but it was $150. He called again and Missionary Travel said to pay the fees. This process was repeated as the price per ticket climbed to $300, then $500, then $900 per ticket. Each time, Missionary Travel said to pay the fees. They were willing to spend an additional $12,600 to get these missionaries to their destination! Finally, Philippine Airlines said that there was not enough room on the flight.

At that point, Missionary Travel booked them into the Marriott Hotel at Los Angeles International for the night. They were told that they would fly out the following day as originally scheduled.

The next morning, they found out that they could only get seven of the fourteen missionaries on the flight. Apparently, the boarding passes were printed before tickets were issued, and without realizing that, the tickets on the original flight were cancelled. At least, that's my best guess. Nobody is really sure WHAT happened, other than that someone, somewhere made a mistake. The missionaries were told who would be traveling on Tuesday night, and who would be traveling on Wednesday night. James was in the Wednesday night group.

Except...Philippine Airlines didn't HAVE a flight on Wednesday night, so the seven stragglers were booked on the Thursday night flight.

The missionaries spent Tuesday studying. A couple of missionaries took a taxi to a clothing store to get some clean socks. The seven missionaries that were leaving on Tuesday paired up with the seven that were leaving on Thursday, making assignments for the Tuesday group to pick up the luggage for the Thursday group and get it to Cebu.

The seven stragglers decided to go to the Los Angeles temple on Wednesday, which was a good experience for them. Rather than having to spend another day in a hotel room, avoiding the television and studying all day long, they did something that lifted their spirits and gave them a spiritual recharge. They even met some missionaries in the Los Angeles temple visitor's center that had entered the MTC on the same day they had entered the MTC. It was a good day, and as I talked with my son that evening, I could tell that other than just wanting to get to his mission, he was happy and had a good day.

He had also gone to a clothing store and bought a pair of shorts and a t-shirt so he could wash his white shirt--the same shirt he had been wearing since Monday morning. He said it was pretty funny to see the elders in the laundry in their t-shirts, shorts, and dress socks and shoes!

Finally, on Thursday evening, he got to the airport and through security and called us again as he prepared to board his flight. We spoke with him again for almost an hour, wished him luck, and sent him on his way.

I used flightaware.com to track his flight. He had given us his flight numbers, and I waited and waited for his flight to leave. It was scheduled at 10:10pm, but it didn't actually leave Los Angeles until just after midnight. After tracking the plane for a while as it flew out over deep water, I finally went to bed, thinking that since he was finally on a plane, the rest would go smoothly.

The next day, I "watched" the plane land in Guam. It had arrived a bit late because of the late departure. It was only supposed to be in Guam a very short time, but the plane stayed almost another hour. It left Guam almost three hours later than it was supposed to. When it finally touched down in Manila, the missionaries' connecting flight had already left.

And that's the last I heard. The flight landed in Manila a little before 7pm Utah time on Friday evening.

It was completely nerve-racking to not know if he had made a connecting flight from Manila to Cebu. I assumed that had happened, but I had no way of knowing. I was hoping that James' mission president would send us an email or make a quick phone call so I would be able to worry and stress a bit less. No such luck.

So I continued to stress. On Saturday evening I called the Mission Home in Cebu. It was Sunday morning in Cebu, and I realize that mission presidents are VERY busy people, especially on Sunday. I left a message, asking for a quick email, just so I could know that the missionaries had made the rest of the trip safely as I had assumed. But no email came, and I continued to stress.

On Sunday evening, I called the mission office (it was Monday morning in Cebu) and I explained to the Sister that answered the phone who I was and that I just wanted to make sure that my son had arrived safely in Cebu. She asked for my son's name, and after I told her, I heard her say, "Elder Smith, it's your dad" and the next thing I knew, I was very VERY relieved to be talking to my son.

He had arrived in Cebu sometime on Saturday, so he probably landed sometime while I was sleeping on Friday night. He was in his first area (in the heart of Cebu City) with his mission trainer (Elder Galdones, I think). His luggage had, however, NOT arrived. He had been living for nearly a week with ONE white shirt and tie. All of the Elders that were still missing luggage were staying in my son's apartment (because he said it was really nice), and they were only at the mission office because their luggage had been located and they were heading to the airport to pick it up.

So that's how my son ended up finally getting to his mission in Cebu City, Philippines. I'm sure he'll tell us the rest of the story of his flight from Manila to Cebu in his first email on Wednesday morning. I'm just glad, and very, very grateful, that he arrived safely. Now that he is in his mission with a mission trainer and a mission president and a mission organization to help him out when needed, I can worry a LOT less about him.

Last night, I think I actually got the first good rest I've had since Monday.

The night before James was born, my dad told me "You've now had all of the sleep you're EVER going to get." I thought he was joking. But it turns out that he was right. I doubt that there will ever be a time that I don't worry how things are going for my sons. It's an integral part of being a parent. However, now that I know James is no longer trying to get to his mission, my stress and worry is greatly diminished.

Away He Goes

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 08:04:01 GMT

My missionary son woke up a couple of hours ago in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. He won't wake up anywhere tomorrow morning, because he will be crossing the International Date Line and for him, there will be no morning of 12 March, 2013. If everything goes according to plan, he will be landing in Cebu City in the Philippines around 7:15 pm tomorrow evening, Mountain Daylight Time. That's almost 37 hours from the time he woke up this morning until the time he arrives at his destination, making this the longest day of my son's life so far. He's going to be one TIRED young man, even if he is able to get some sleep on his flight over the Pacific.

We've been missing him for almost six weeks now as he has been in the MTC preparing to serve the people of the Philippines, but it has still felt like he is nearby. I can almost see the MTC from my window where I work. It's going to be different when he is on the opposite side of the planet from us.

Yet I am so excited for him! I am excited for the struggles he is going to have, because through the struggles, he will grow. I am excited for the spiritual growth that he will experience as he learns to rely on the Lord in ways that he has never had to in the past. I am excited for the experiences he will have--experiences that one can only have as a missionary in the service of the Lord.

I can't wait to hear about these experiences. Until he returns, we'll be doing a lot of praying for him and for those that he is teaching. A song from the Nashville Tribute Band sums it up well:

Tell me there is a place in heaven where her voice cannot be heard.
Through time and space as a beam of light, it travels like a bird
Into the ear of the Father as He looks down on her
As she prays, "Bless my son. Bless my precious one.
Give him the strength to find the faith of Ammon.
Give him the power of Paul in his tongue.
Give him the Spirit to soften hearts of stone and bring them home.
And until he's done, bless my son. Bless my son."

To everyone else she knows, he's just another boy, gone two years.
But to her, he's flesh and blood who seems so far away from here.
So every night that goes by, just before she turns out the light,
Heaven hears, "Bless my son. Bless my precious one.
Give him the strength to find the faith of Ammon.
Give him the power of Paul in his tongue.
Give him the Spirit to soften hearts of stone and bring them home.
And until he's done, bless my son. Bless my son."

Two years away can seem like such a sacrifice.
Funny how two years adds up to ten percent of his life.
"Bless my son. Bless my precious one.
Give him the strength to find the faith of Ammon.
Give him the power of Paul in his tongue.
Give him the spirit to soften hearts of stone and bring them home.
And until he's done, bless my son. Bless my son.
Bless my son."

My Absence

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 15:56:48 GMT

I know I haven't been around here much lately, but lately, I don't have much positive to say, so in keeping with what my mom (and everyone else's mom) used to say--"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"--I'm keeping quiet.

Life is just hard for me right now. I know that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what others go through. I understand that my problems are petty and small. But I'm really just not in the mood to post more blog entries whining about things that, in the end don't matter much in the short term and will hopefully make me a stronger person in the long run. Some of what I'm working through is the result of very very GOOD things, but good things don't always come easily.

For now, while I'm putting things back together again and trying to sort things out, don't worry. I'm going to be fine. I just really don't want to talk about it right now.

Therapy Status Report

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:49:16 GMT

I've had 20 physical therapy treatments now, and I can honestly say that every single time I think it's going to get better, they give me a new stretch or exercise that makes it hurt just as much or more as it did before. If I weren't making progress, I'd probably sink into a deep, deep depression. I certainly would stop going to physical therapy.

On Wednesday, the therapist took measurements to put on a status report that I gave to my surgeon when I saw him yesterday. Here's the measurable improvement:

Flexion - Started at 111 degrees. Currently at 165 degrees. Goal is 180 degrees.

Abduction - Started at 83 degrees. Currently at 150 degrees. Goal is 180 degrees.

Internal Rotation - Started at 49 degrees. Currently at 78 degrees. Goal is 90 degrees.

External Rotation - Started at 0 degrees. Currently at 70 degrees. Goal is 90 degrees.

So... I continue to make steady progress, and I'm glad. I wish it would come along more quickly, but my surgeon was very pleased with my progress and gave me a thumbs up. He taught me a new (and painful) stretch to do and told me to start swimming at least twice a week, which should accelerate my progress.

Put On a Happy Face

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 09:11:01 GMT

This morning, I was followed to work by a couple I know that works in this same building. They followed me for several miles, and we stopped at multiple traffic lights.

As I looked back in my rear view mirror, I noticed that they seemed to be having some sort of argument. He was doing a lot of yelling. Her body language--leaning as far away from him as possible--showed that she didn't want to be anywhere near him. Things were not going well for them this morning.

I have noticed this same type of body language on several occasions, giving me the sense that something is amiss. I've never really been able to figure out why though, because the things that they say belie the underlying tension that is apparent in other ways.

As I watched them argue all the way to work, I finally realized that this underlying tension is a result of what is going on between them when no one else is looking.

When I got out of my car, they were both walking toward the building, and what I heard was a cheerful "Hi DeShawn!" from a smiling face. The "happy face" had been put on because it was time to show the rest of the world that nothing was wrong.

I'm not trying to say that this is a bad thing. Nobody would want a quarreling couple in their workplace to continue the argument they were having. It would be disruptive and uncomfortable. However, it makes me sad.

How many of us put on this happy face in public when in private we are feeling like we could fall apart at any moment? I certainly have felt this way over the past weeks as I have been in a lot of pain from surgery and therapy. It's made worse by the lack of sleep. I've been fighting depression. But at work and at school, I put on my happy face.

I know of one that hid a horrible marriage relationship from everyone for years until the inevitable separation and divorce came.

I am grateful, however, that my marriage relationship doesn't have to "put on" a happy face, because my wife and I are truly happy in our relationship. I am grateful that, with my wife, I don't always have to put on that "happy face" and she has been a great strength and support during this particular trial in my life as she has been through other trying times.

Holy Crap!

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 00:47:09 GMT

I have tried several times to post what I'm feeling about my son's mission call, but I just can't seem to. There don't seem to be words that do them any justice.

James has been called to serve in the Philippines, Cebu mission. He will be preaching the gospel in the Cebuano language and he will report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on 30 January.

30 January? That means that we will only have him here for another 68 days--barely over 2 months.

All I can think is "holy crap."

Tomorrow we will be applying for his passport. We'll start looking for good deals on white shirts (short sleeved, please), wash & wear slacks, and ties. There are a zillion other things that we'll need to get done in the next 68 days.

And I'm still thinking... Holy crap!

Assignment Made!

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 21:30:23 GMT

The mission assignment has been made and unless something out of the ordinary happens, the call letter will arrive on Wednesday. We should have even more to be thankful for on Thanksgiving this year.

Therapy

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 22:08:48 GMT

Everyone told me that after shoulder surgery, physical therapy really sucks. They were neither kidding nor exaggerating.

It's really bad.

The glenoid labrum, the part of my shoulder that they repaired, is usually pretty flexible and moves a bit when the shoulder moves. But when the labrum has ben re-attached, it doesn't flex very well. It becomes stiff and often has a bit of scar tissue in it as well.

The shoulder doesn't have a whole lot of room in it, so unless everything is working together just perfectly, the shoulder doesn't move very well. That's what causes the diminished range of motion that I am experiencing right now.

So here's a typical physical therapy session right now:

We start out with ultrasound therapy. Lotion/gel is applied to my shoulder and the PT assistant uses the ultrasound wand to shoot high frequency (above the range of human hearing for sure) sound waves into my shoulder. This helps reduce any swelling present, helps promote healing through improved blood flow, and it gently massages soft tissues deep inside my shoulder while it softens scar tissue.

Next is e-stym, or electrical stimulation therapy. The PT assistant puts electrodes on my shoulder and adds a heat pad to my shoulder. Then I sit while my shoulder is stimulated by electricity. This helps "exercise" the muscles that aren't being used a lot right now because my shoulder doesn't work right.

Then it's time for me to do my stretches/exercises. So far, I've learned three stretches using a pulley attached to the ceiling and a rope with two handles. Then I do four more stretches using a cane to help stretch and extend my shoulder.

These.

Are.

Painful.

But once I'm done with my own painful stretches, the physical therapist goes to work. I lay on my back and he pushes my shoulder past the point of pain, helping slowly increase the range of motion. This is the most painful part of physical therapy. It sucks. Big time.

After only two sessions, I already am enjoying an increased range of motion. I have a long way to go. A LONG way. Before too long, they'll also teach me more exercises that will be used to strengthen the atrophied muscles in my shoulder.

I'll probably have close to 20 therapy sessions before the end of the year, and up to 20 more next year to get my shoulder back to normal again.

I can't wait until they're over, because there's no nice way of putting it. It's painful, time consuming, and absolutely no fun at all.

Ready For Assignment

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 23:21:45 GMT

Yesterday, my son's mission call status was updated to "Ready For Assignment."

Once a week, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles reviews new missionary applications and makes missionary assignments. This usually happens on Fridays, but it can happen on other days of the week as well.

I often wondered about how this process actually happens. It seems that it could easily be handled purely by computer--Mission X needs Y missionaries. Missionary Z is available to serve and qualifies based on information provided in the online application. All of this is easily programmable.

However, this isn't how it happens.

President Henry B. Eyring, an Apostle and member of the First Presidency helps shed some light on the subject of how mission assignments are made:

“I have had [many] experiences feeling of the Holy Ghost…But I’ve never felt what I have felt as I have…participated in the assigning of missionaries…Because of technology, it is possible for us to have your picture and the information about you displayed. And then quickly, on that same screen, all the missions of the Church with all of their needs are displayed. Within minutes, and sometimes less than a minute, the impression comes so powerfully that it would be, if it were a single instance, something that you would never forget. Can you imagine sitting there for hours at a time, having that happen time after time without interruption? I testify to you that it is real…[The Lord] somehow not only knows you but loves you enough to ensure that your call is where He needs you to go to teach the children of our Heavenly Father.”

Pretty amazing. Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the First Quorum of the Seventy gave an address in General Conference in April, 2010 entitled "The Divine Call of a Missionary" in which he shared his experience of being part of that weekly meeting in which mission assignments are made. It is a great insight into how missionaries are called of God.

So the fact that my son's mission call status is now "Ready for Assignment" means that the next time this meeting is held, it is possible that my son's face will appear on the screen and a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will greet him with "Hello, Elder Smith!" He could be assigned to a field of labor within a week, and, if everything goes normally, the mission call letter will arrive at our home on the day before Thanksgiving.

But what else does "Ready for Assignment" mean?

For my son, I believe that he really is ready for assignment. He has been preparing to serve the Lord as a missionary for quite some time now. He graduated from seminary. He is taking a missionary preparation course in his Young Single Adult ward. He has a testimony of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe that he will be a good missionary. He is the kind of young man that President Ezra Taft Benson spoke of when he said

Give me a young man who has kept himself morally clean and has faithfully attended his church meetings. Give me a young man who has magnified his priesthood and has earned the Duty to God award and is an Eagle Scout. Give me a young man who is a Seminary graduate and has a burning testimony of the Book of Mormon. Give me such a young man and I will give you a young man who can perform miracles for the Lord in the mission field and throughout his life.

Yes, my son truly is "Ready for Assignment."

His mother and I, however, are not ready, despite the fact that this is something that we have been praying for for a long time. We're not ready for him to move on to the next part of his life, even though we know how much growth he will experience as he puts his life into the service of the Lord for two years. We aren't ready, but we're not sure if we ever would be ready, because we know that once he leaves, our family will be changed forever.

Yet we understand that it's time to let him go. There's also a lot of excitement as we speculate about where he might be assigned. Hopefully, it'll only be about ten more days until that question is answered, as well as the question of when he will start his missionary service. After that comes the flurry of preparation activities--buying suits and white shirts and ties and luggage, attending the temple as often as possible, and doing what it takes to put one's non-missionary life on hold for two years.

He's "Ready for Assignment" and we're going to be on pins and needles until the assignment arrives.

Anticipation

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 00:22:06 GMT

Now the waiting begins.

My son has finished the process of submitting mission "papers" and now we wait to find out where he will be serving his mission for the next two years. We will find out when he will be starting his full-time missionary service. We will find out if he will be learning a language.

I was waiting for a mission call during the summer of 1988, and honestly, I'm feeling those same feelings again that I had as I waited for my own mission call. It's amazing similar these feelings are.

So... any guesses? Where do you think he will be called to serve?

Medical Costs

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 21:30:25 GMT

Today, I finally received the Explanation of Benefits from my insurance company for the bill that they received from the Surgical Center.

Holy for the love of freaking buckets and stuff!!!

Billed amount: $13,663.76

Network Discount: $3,921.50

So this basically means that the surgical center got paid $9,742.26 for my shoulder surgery. I think I'm going to ask for an itemized bill, because I'm really curious now what I got for the $10k.

If I didn't have insurance, so far, this shoulder injury would have cost me nearly $20,000. This shoulder injury has cost the LDS Church nearly $4000, because I have now hit my out-of-pocket maximum of $4000 for the year and we didn't have many medical expenses before this. Fortunately, it won't cost any more THIS year, because I have hit the out of pocket maximum, so physical therapy will be "free" for me. My primary insurance will pay out at 100%.

Hopefully, most of the PT will be before the end of the year because after 1 January, Church Activity Medical Assistance will have to pay for the first $3000 of the physical therapy since we're going to be doing the high deductible insurance plan again next year.

In other news, I quit wearing my sling this week. It's now been more than six weeks since the surgery. My shoulder aches a lot more because it doesn't have the support and because I'm doing stretches to help increase range of motion.

I'm sleeping better. As a matter of fact, this morning, after waking up just before 6am, I went right back to sleep and slept well enough to DREAM. It's the first dream I remember since surgery.

And today, I felt ALMOST rested!

Two Days

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 14:38:31 GMT

There are two days that I'm REALLY looking forward to:

1) The day after I sleep through the night without waking up. This honestly hasn't happened since late July.

2) The day that I don't think about my shoulder because it hurts, because it's sore, or because it's not working properly. This also hasn't happened since late July.

I will celebrate both of these days. Heartily.

Halfway to More Pain

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 07:29:06 GMT

I had my shoulder surgery four weeks ago today. I've been in this stupid sling for 28 days. I have my next follow-up appointment with the surgeon on the 12th of Never...er...November. That means I'll be in this stupid sling for 26 more days. Yesterday was the halfway point of sling wearage. After that, the pain and torture of physical therapy will begin.

I'm weary of wearing the sling, but I'm wary of not wearing it. It would still be too easy to re-injure my shoulder or mess up the work that the surgeon did in my shoulder joint. It would be MUCH worse if that happened, because I'd be right back at square one again.

Fortunately, the elbow pain from the ulnar nerve is pretty much gone. I think it just got used to being in the sling. Unfortunately, sleeping isn't getting any better or easier. I am probably averaging about 6 hours a night--barely enough to survive and not nearly enough to ever feel rested. I still find myself nodding off at my desk in the afternoon. I really don't think that will get any better until after the sling is off, and probably not even then.

I've been able to do quite a bit one-handed though. I actually made cinnamon rolls--a tradition in my family for General Conference.

Almost every day, my shoulder is a tiny, tiny bit better.

This Changes Everything

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 21:51:58 GMT

Today, in the first session of the LDS Church's Semiannual General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson announced that young men can be recommended for Missionary Service at the age of 18.

I don't remember much else from the Saturday Morning session, because everything in my older son's life suddenly changed.

He was going to be eligible to start the application process in early December, but now, he can start the process right away. Next week, we have an appointment with our bishop to get the process started.

He was planning on attending Utah Valley University for another semester--he's there fulltime this semester--and then he would leave on his mission sometime after the end of Spring semester. Instead, he will finish this semester, then focus on mission preparation. He will likely tell the missionary department of the LDS Church that he can leave anytime after 1 January, 2013.

For my son, this isn't a big shift. He will likely leave only a few months earlier than he otherwise would have left. Yet for my family, this is a big shift. It's something that every parent simultaneously anticipates and dreads--when their child leaves home. The anticipation and excitement is because this is a pretty magical time of life for a person. It's a time full of decisions and changes. It's a time that sets a person's direction in life. It's exciting to me that my son wishes to serve a mission for the LDS Church, because my mission was a time of intense growth for me in so many ways.

Yet the dread comes because once he leaves, the dynamic of our family will change, and likely change forever. We're going to miss having him here. We're going to miss his humor and his laughter and the personality that adds so much to the dynamic of this little family of four that will soon be a family of three.

This also accelerates the same process for younger son, who will be eligible to serve as soon as he graduates High School.

And then the nest will be empty.

It can't be happening yet, can it? Yet, today's small, yet historic change in the LDS Church's missionary program has seemed to make all of these changes almost immediate. It has taken the "looming" event and made it seem more like it is happening right now.

I'm sad and excited. I'm nervous and proud. I'm feeling so many, many emotions all at once.

And yet, under all of this is the underlying feeling of peace that tells me that it's right. That's what's going to get us through these changes that we've been excitedly dreading for more than 18 years now. It's just right.

Recovering

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 12:27:28 GMT

Slowly. VERY slowly, I am recovering.

Did I mention slowly? Good.

Maybe I'll learn some patience from all of this.

I went to my first post-surgical follow-up visit last week. Things are progressing just about as well as the surgeon expected they would. Slowly.

He told me that the three priorities after a SLAP-tear repair are 1) healing, 2) range of motion, and 3) strengthening. We're working on priority 1 right now. Slowly.

Priority 1 is the reason for the shoulder sling. The sling mostly immobilizes my shoulder, especially keeping it from moving in ways that might undo what the surgery corrected. If I'm not careful, the bone anchors can pull out, causing even more pain and making a re-do of the surgery medically necessary. I do NOT want that. So I get to continue wearing my shoulder sling night and day until my next follow-up appointment, which is six weeks from today. Six excruciatingly long weeks. After that, I'll start doing physical therapy to regain range of motion.

I've started sleeping in my bed again. I use a lot of pillows to support my arm and to keep me from rolling over onto my left shoulder. I'm not sued to sleeping on my back, but now that I'm back in my bed again, I think I'm sleeping better. I only woke up once during the night last night. I believe that I actually slept for almost 7 hours.

I get to take my sling off several times a day to do very small exercises that will help out in the long run. It's amazing how small the range of motion in my shoulder is, and how little the surgeon wants me to do with my shoulder.

The worst pain since the initial pain of the surgery diminished has actually been in my elbow, not my shoulder. The ulnar nerve (the one that you hit when you hit your "funny bone") doesn't like being restricted and doesn't like the constant pressure from my shoulder sling, and it has gotten inflamed. The exercises, along with ibuprofen and lots of icing, have calmed that down, and hopefully, I can stay ahead of that inflammation and pain. I seriously couldn't handle six more weeks of wearing the sling if it meant that my elbow, lower bicep, and upper forearm would continue to be in that much pain.

But things are also becoming more and more normal again as the pain recedes and as I get more and more used to doing things one-handed. I'm hoping that live moves into a regular routine again, something that could hopefully make the next six weeks pass more quickly.

From all accounts, I shouldn't be looking forward to the next phase of recovery, because physical therapy on a shoulder is pretty darned painful. You will, of course, be able to read all about that here in a few weeks.

For those of you not squeamish, here are some pictures from surgery: http://misterme.com/shoulder.jpg

The top-left picture shows the cause of the soreness I was having before the accident on the river. That's fraying on my rotator cuff tendon. The surgeon cleaned that up in addition to fixing the torn Labrum.

The middle-right picture is the best view of the tear. That gap about 2/3 of the way from the right shouldn't be there. The bottom-left shows more of the tear, being pushed easily aside with a surgical instrument. The bottom-right picture is the "after" picture showing the sutures holding down my Labrum. The sutures are attached to the bone anchors that are in the process of healing.

Shoulder Surgery

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 15:42:45 GMT

Everything apparently went well with my shoulder surgery.

I was given a late-ish time to report to the surgical center--1:45pm, and just a we were about to leave home to go to the surgical center, they called and told me that they were running behind. I finally showed up at 2:45 and got all checked in.

I dressed in their blue paper bloomers and their purple gown and wrote "yes" on my left shoulder. They asked if I wouldn't mind helping out a BYU nursing student who had never done an IV before. Sure. Why not? So she worked on it for somewhat longer than a normal nurse might have done. Another nurse came in to shave my shoulder. Most of what was shaved was my chest. And then I waited.

My brother stopped by and we talked for a while.

And I waited.

I was my surgeon's last "case" for the day.

And I waited some more.

Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and talked with me about doing a "shoulder block" which is basically like an epidural for my shoulder and would block pain for 12-24 hours. Yes please!

They sedated me, administered the shoulder block, and soon it was time to head into the operating room. I was transferred onto the table, they asked me to breathe deeply into the mask, and the next thing I knew, I was in recovery.

The doctor told my wife that they had placed four anchors, meaning that it was a more significant tear than they had anticipated from the MRI. I had to hang around at the surgical center to make sure certain *ahem* biological proceses were in full swing, and then I went home, not arriving at home until 9:30 or so Wednesday evening.

So far, the recovery has gone better than I had anticipated. For the first while, the shoulder block kept the pain at bay. After that, regular Lortab helped. They also gave me a nifty ice cooler that, when plugged in, would circulate ice water over my shoulder. That kept the swelling at bay.

As of today, I'm off of Lortab and I'm not in pain. My left arm is kept immobilized except for when I'm supposed to exercise my elbow 4 times a day. I think I'm ready to head back to work tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. Next comes follow-up with the surgeon on Thursday and physical *ouch* therapy after that.

It's really pretty miraculous what they can do through three small incisions.