You Can't Make This Stuff Up!
Air travel... What a strange, strange thing.
People are herded onto metal cylinders that hurtle through the atmosphere at speeds of several hundreds of miles per hour. The quarters are cramped and uncomfortable. There is little or no control over any part of the process. We are scrutinized, sometimes poked and prodded, and subjected to all sorts of screenings, all so that we can arrive at distant destinations in some semblance of a reasonable amount of time.
When things go well, it's a tolerable experience. When they don't, it can be miserable.
Here are some more of my experiences in the wonderful world of commercial air travel.
"Gambling" for Upgrades
En route to Charlotte, North Carolina, I flew through the Minneapolis St. Paul airport. While I was waiting to board my flight, a flight to Las Vegas, Nevada was preparing to board at the next gate. Since the flight was to Las Vegas, the gate agent decided to have a little fun with two "free" upgrades to first class.
He first announced that they would give the upgrades to anyone born before 1925.
No takers.
He then said that they would give the upgrades to anyone that could show them a two-dollar bill.
No takers.
He then said that they would give the upgrades to anyone that could show them a 2006 Nevada State Commemorative Quarter.
Still no takers.
He then said that they would give the upgrades to anyone that would sing the entire United States National Anthem (in English) over the PA system.
A few minutes later, a teenaged girl sang the National Anthem and received, in addition to two free upgrades to first class, a standing ovation from everyone in that section of the terminal.
Thunder and Lightning
When I flew home from Charlotte, I checked in at the self-serve kiosk in the Charlotte airport. The kiosk gave me the option to fly through Atlanta instead of through the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky airport. I thought about it for a few seconds, because the flight to Atlanta would leave earlier. I ended up deciding to stay with my original itinerary, because it wouldn't make much of a difference in when I arrived back home. Besides, I'd never been to Kentucky before, so I wanted to "check off" that state in my list of states I have been to.
Big mistake.
It was only supposed to be an hour flight from Charlotte to Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky. Unfortunately, there were some rather ugly thunderstorms that ended up causing us to circle for more than an hour and a half before we were finally cleared to land.
Fortunately, the same thunderstorms that delayed my inbound flight also delayed my outbound flight. I didn't miss my connection.
As we took off, the pilot did something I had never seen before. We took off, right into ugly, black skies filled with more thunder and lightning. Usually, the pilot will throttle up and not pull back on the throttle until the plane has reached cruising altitude. This flight, the pilot throttled back and skimmed just below the surface of the ugly black clouds. He obviously didn't want to fly through the boiling, churning, black clouds. Then, he found a seam between a couple of large thunderstorms, throttled up again, and suddenly we were above the ugly mess.
Fuel Follies
Today's experience, however, takes the cake. This time, I was flying to Phoenix, Arizona. It's a relatively short flight - only an hour and fifteen minutes from takeoff to landing. Unless something goes wrong.
We finished boarding, and I was going to be fortunate! There was an empty seat next to me. However, they weren't closing the door. The pilot, via the PA system, let us know that there was a problem with the fuel.
Something had gone amiss in the fueling process. The fueling company had loaded 9 extra tons of fuel onto the aircraft. This put us over the plane's weight limit. We were too heavy to take off.
Great. So it's a simple process of just reversing the pump and taking out the 9 tons of jet fuel, right?
Wrong.
The system at the Salt Lake airport uses a system of underground fuel tanks. For safety reasons, the pumps at the jetways only work in one direction. That meant that we would have to wait for a fuel offloading truck to come and get the extra fuel.
And wait.
And wait.
And...
wait.....
We sat there on the plane for almost TWO HOURS.
An hour and a half of sitting went by and a lady (a VERY LUCKY lady who had a delay in Idaho Falls, ID) came and sat down in the vacant seat next to me.
Great.
So why the long delay?
The pilot expected the fuel offloading truck to arrive in 15 to 20 minutes and then it would take 15 to 20 minutes to remove the excess fuel.
Well, it wasn't that easy.
The company that fuels all of the jets at the Salt Lake City airport has two trucks that they use just for this purpose. Right about the same time the airline called for a truck, one of these trucks had just crashed into a tug cart. Crashed. No flames, no injuries, no fireball, no major problems. It was just put out of commission while the airport police investigated the accident.
So the jet fuel company called for the other truck. The problem? It was completely full of fuel. We had to wait while the fuel offloading truck was offloaded. They finally showed up almost an hour and a half later. It took them 35 minutes to offload our extra fuel.
In the end, my 75-minute flight to Phoenix ended up taking almost 200 minutes. It sucked.
And the airline IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
I'd better get at LEAST a couple of flight vouchers out of this.
But I'm here in Phoenix and I'm safe. Hopefully, I'll have an uneventful flight home.