Priorities
On Saturday, I finished turning my back on something that I used to love.
Since I was in High School, I have loved barbershop music. I went to a party where the Northwesters, my High School's barbershop quartet, sang. There was something about 4 men ringing a chord that I loved. It was a unique sound, blended with fun and humor, that I had never heard before.
Later, in my High School choir, I sang with 15 other young men in a chorus that my choir director humorously called the "O.K. Chorale." We were better than okay. We scored a perfect score at the state music festival. I also organized a quartet of my own and we scored high enough to make it to the state music festival, but decided against it because we didn't really feel we deserved such a high score.
In the years since, I have tried again and again to organize quartets. Once in a while, I would succeed for a short time, but I've never been able to get a quartet to stay together. Someone would move or completely flake out. The last quartet dissolved when the tenor came out of the closet.
I sang for almost three years with the Saltaires Show chorus. I drove to Salt Lake every week for rehearsal. I traveled to Ogden and St. George for district competitions. I traveled to Anaheim, and Atlanta to compete in international competitions. I even went to Kansas City, just to watch competitions.
Later, I was even named the director of the Utah Valley Skyline Chorus, a position that I thoroughly enjoyed until bursitis in my shoulder made it necessary for me to resign.
I've spent countless hours in travel, rehearsals, preparation, personal practice. I've spent thousands of dollars on travel, membership dues, concert tickets, and recordings of quartets and choruses.
It's no stretch to say that barbershop music was something that I really loved.
In recent years, the disappointment of not being able to keep a quartet together along with the increased demands of growing boys have made me distance myself from barbershop music. I didn't have the time or the energy to invest in something that wasn't bringing the level of fulfillment that I hoped it would bring.
On Saturday, I finally reached the point where I have completely turned my back on barbershop music. I won't sing barbershop music any more. I won't listen to barbershop music any more. I want nothing more to do with barbershop music or the international Barbershop Harmony Society.
The cause? On Saturday, someone that should know better turned his back on his own family. He sang in a district competiton instead of going to a family member's once-in-a-lifetime event. There will be a district competition next year and the year after that. It's not like the group he was singing with had a prayer of winning the competition. (As a matter of fact, they came in dead last) But this event in the family member's life will never happen again.
Any group or organization that exerts enough pressure upon someone that they forget where their priorities should be is evil in my book. Any group that will pressure someone into choosing the group over their own family, especially on important occaisions, will have no support from me.
Now, instead of being music to my ears, barbershop has become revolting to me.
4 comments
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littlebass
Sorry to hear about your friend and about your own feelings about barbershop. I belong to a group that competed recently. We had several members decide not to participate because of family or work obligations. I never felt any ill-will or detected any ill will from others directed towards those that didn't participate. I never felt any pressure to be in the competition although I did participate. Perhaps your friend felt an internal pressure to participate because his talent would be missed and he did not want to let the chorus down. If he was pressured by the group then I truly feel sorry that it happened. Not all barbershop choruses are like that. Where I sing we have fun and enjoy being together. We go to contests not to "win" but to relish the experience and learn how we can improve ourselves. Please don't condemn a whole style of singing because of what I hope is an isolated experience. However, I don't blame you because I know that the actions of a few can ruin the reputation of an entire group.
Mr. Me
Littlebass,
Better to let a chorus down than to let a family down. Maybe the pressure he felt was all internal. Maybe he DID feel that his talent would be missed. But it's better to let a chorus down by attending a once in a lifetime family event than vice versa.
I guess I'm just bitterly disappointed and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back in this case.
Unfortunately, this isn't an isolated experience. Years of personal experience tell me this. I have lots of other beefs with the Barbershop Harmony Society, most of which deal with how families are treated. Are you married? Do you have children? How much money have you spent so that your wife and children could attend your concerts? So not only do they have to give up time spent with you so you can go to your weekly rehearsal, but they also have to pay for the privilege of seeing the fruits of the labor that takes you away from them. Talk about being double billed!
Of course, the way some men at chorus rehearsals talk, it's pretty obvious that they are using rehearsal as an excuse to get out and away from home.
As a whole, the Barbershop Harmony Society is an aging organization that has trouble retaining members--especially younger members. This is at least part of the reason why.
I'm curious, littlebass... How did you find my blog?
littlebass
Mr. Me,
I was doing a google search for the Skyline Chorus and your blog came up on the first page. I recently rejoined the chorus after being gone for 5 years and was trying to find their website.
I agree with you 100% - family should always come first. I am a family man with children and if there was an important family event I would always give it priority over the chorus or any other activity.
So I understand your feelings and they are correct feelings. Family should have come first. I was not sure if you were referring to the Skyline Chorus but on re-reading your blog I think you were (the last place reference gives it away!). I apologize for any pressure we may have placed on someone to compete. It should never have happened. As I posted before, I personally felt no pressure to be at the competion, but I don't know what may have been said to any other individual. Several members could not participate and everyone seemed understanding.
You are absolutely right that there are many problems and issues with the barbershop organization. I just hope I can help make a little piece of it better.
Mr. Me
I've been Googled...
When I switched web hosts, I guess I forgot to replace the robots.txt file that would keep this particular site from being indexed. I replaced the file. My intent was never to publicly smear the Skyline Chorus. The actions of one member shouldn't reflect poorly on the organization. Hopefully, that hit will go away soon.
Thanks for your comments, Littlebass. I'm probalby being too harsh. But it's my blog, I guess I can vent here if I want to. ;) I'm already feeling a little less bitter about the whole matter. I'm sure time will continue to heal that wound.