Forgiveness

I love this web page that helps explain the role of Forgiveness in Heavenly Father's plan and how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can help in the process of forgiveness.

On Saturday, I spent more than a half hour on the phone with a couple that used to be close to me.  I spent a great part of that time listening to the reasons and ways that I had hurt them over the previous years.  It was an eye opening experience for me.

A couple of years ago, this couple was in my home.  There was a heated discussion, and angry words were exchanged.  I felt disrespected, and I'm sure that this couple felt the same degree of disrespect.  Within the next couple of days, I called them and attempted to explain the depth of my feelings in the matter, hoping that this would help us all to resolve the matter and move forward.

Thinking that the matter had been resolved, I did exactly that--I moved on.  I didn't harbor any bad feelings towards this couple.  I had forgiven them for their part of what had happened and hoped that they had forgiven me.  When we subsequently saw this couple in various social situations, things seemed to be okay between us.  I had pretty much forgotten the incident.

Until Saturday.

On Saturday, as I listened to this couple express the hurt and heartache and anger that I had caused them--often expressed through tears, my own heart ached.  It's never easy to hear the things that you had done wrong, and I had made mistakes in my interactions with them.  That was painful to hear.  However, my heart ached more for this couple--for the anger and resentment that they had been harboring towards me.  I was completely unaware that these feelings had continued.

They told me on Saturday that they wanted to bring these things to my attention because they were tired of being "fake" with me.  They couldn't go on acting like everything was fine between us when it wasn't.

None of the situations that they brought up were new to me.  I remembered the situations.  I remembered what had occurred.  What surprised me completely was that they remembered so clearly the hurt that I had caused.  Through their tears, I learned that they were clearly still hurting despite the years that had passed since some the offending events had occurred.  They hadn't been able to move past these feelings.

I offered my sincere apologies for my part in the hurt that I caused--something that I should have done before and certainly would have if I had known of the feelings that had persisted.  I assured them that I love both of them and was sorry for the pain that I caused through my actions.  Yet there remains a rift between us--a chasm that I can do nothing more to bridge.

I can't do anything else to change how this couple feels towards me.  I have no power over anger and resentment that remains in someone else's heart.  I can only pray that they can find forgiveness in their hearts, because until that happens, the anger and resentment will remain in place and they won't be able to move past these feelings that they are having.

I know this because I have harbored such feelings, completely outside the knowledge of those that offended me.  I have confronted the so-called offenders in the same way that I was confronted on Saturday, and I'm sure that the "offenders" were as surprised as I was on Saturday.  It wasn't until I found forgiveness in my own heart that the anger and hurt was resolved and I was able to find peace in the matter.

I pray that this happens for this couple that I have offended.  I pray that it happens before more even more years pass.

Disclaimer – The views expressed here are the opinions of DeShawn Smith and do not necessarily reflect the views of Employer Solutions Group or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.