Imagine that you've been dealing with minor-to-moderate joint pain for quite some time.  Imagine that you have been having pain in your chest as well from time to time, especially at night or when breathing deeply.  Imagine that you have had some other troubling symptoms that don't seem to be getting better.

After trying for some time, you finally get in to see a Rheumatologist, thinking that you might have some sort of autoimmune disorder like Rheumatoid arthritis or Lupus.  The Rheumatologist gives you a medication to try.

And then everything goes downhill fast.

During the night, you have trouble urinating.  The next day, a doctor prescribes antibiotics for an infection.  Later that same day, you're admitted to the hospital with a high fever.  By the next morning, you lose all sensation and mobility below your belly button, and the paralysis seems to be rising steadily higher.

And nobody knows why.

This happened to my brother-in-law last week.  Subsequent tests revealed that he has Transverse Myelitis, likely brought on by Systemic Lupus Erythematosis (SLE).

It's amazing how quickly life can change.

My brother-in-law spent a couple of days in the ICU, followed by a couple more days in an intermediate care ward, and now has been moved to a therapy ward.

At this point, there are still more questions than answers.  They are hoping and praying for the best (a significant recovery) and preparing for the worst.  The numbers are on his side.  He is young and active, so that's good as well.

However, as with all things dealing with the nervous system, only time will tell.

I love this web page that helps explain the role of Forgiveness in Heavenly Father's plan and how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can help in the process of forgiveness.

On Saturday, I spent more than a half hour on the phone with a couple that used to be close to me.  I spent a great part of that time listening to the reasons and ways that I had hurt them over the previous years.  It was an eye opening experience for me.

A couple of years ago, this couple was in my home.  There was a heated discussion, and angry words were exchanged.  I felt disrespected, and I'm sure that this couple felt the same degree of disrespect.  Within the next couple of days, I called them and attempted to explain the depth of my feelings in the matter, hoping that this would help us all to resolve the matter and move forward.

Thinking that the matter had been resolved, I did exactly that--I moved on.  I didn't harbor any bad feelings towards this couple.  I had forgiven them for their part of what had happened and hoped that they had forgiven me.  When we subsequently saw this couple in various social situations, things seemed to be okay between us.  I had pretty much forgotten the incident.

Until Saturday.

On Saturday, as I listened to this couple express the hurt and heartache and anger that I had caused them--often expressed through tears, my own heart ached.  It's never easy to hear the things that you had done wrong, and I had made mistakes in my interactions with them.  That was painful to hear.  However, my heart ached more for this couple--for the anger and resentment that they had been harboring towards me.  I was completely unaware that these feelings had continued.

They told me on Saturday that they wanted to bring these things to my attention because they were tired of being "fake" with me.  They couldn't go on acting like everything was fine between us when it wasn't.

None of the situations that they brought up were new to me.  I remembered the situations.  I remembered what had occurred.  What surprised me completely was that they remembered so clearly the hurt that I had caused.  Through their tears, I learned that they were clearly still hurting despite the years that had passed since some the offending events had occurred.  They hadn't been able to move past these feelings.

I offered my sincere apologies for my part in the hurt that I caused--something that I should have done before and certainly would have if I had known of the feelings that had persisted.  I assured them that I love both of them and was sorry for the pain that I caused through my actions.  Yet there remains a rift between us--a chasm that I can do nothing more to bridge.

I can't do anything else to change how this couple feels towards me.  I have no power over anger and resentment that remains in someone else's heart.  I can only pray that they can find forgiveness in their hearts, because until that happens, the anger and resentment will remain in place and they won't be able to move past these feelings that they are having.

I know this because I have harbored such feelings, completely outside the knowledge of those that offended me.  I have confronted the so-called offenders in the same way that I was confronted on Saturday, and I'm sure that the "offenders" were as surprised as I was on Saturday.  It wasn't until I found forgiveness in my own heart that the anger and hurt was resolved and I was able to find peace in the matter.

I pray that this happens for this couple that I have offended.  I pray that it happens before more even more years pass.

Disclaimer – The views expressed here are the opinions of DeShawn Smith and do not necessarily reflect the views of Employer Solutions Group or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I'm back on my bike again!  It's ABOUT time.  Last night after dinner, I finished cleaning up my road bike and took it out for a spin.  I recently got a new cycling computer, heart rate monitor, and speed/cadence sensor, and I was really excited to give it a try.  I now have a staggering amount of information about last evening's ride.

[iframe http://connect.garmin.com:80/activity/embed/76077201 548 500]

Not bad for not having been on a bike for a really REALLY long time.

Bonus: This morning I was down 2 1/2 more pounds, though I'm not counting it as real weight loss yet because I'm pretty sure I'm pretty dehydrated.

Orson Scott Card wrote an article several weeks ago that describes what we went through yesterday.  Go ahead.  Click the link.  Read it.  I'll be here when you come back.

Last week, my Stake Presidency announced that there would be a meeting held the following Sunday (thus, yesterday) in which the stake boundaries would be re-drawn.  Of course, the rumor mill started churning away.  No rumors or speculations came close to what actually happened last night.

Some of the wards in my stake were too large and others too small.  Some had too many children and others too few.  With a completely lay ministry, this becomes an issue, purely from a "staffing" standpoint.  So under the direction of LDS general authorities, and with their approval, last night, my church life was picked up, shaken around a bit, and put back down for me to figure out what to do next.

My stake consists of eight wards now instead of seven, and I'm in the newly-created eighth ward.  I have a new bishop, who chose to continue serving with the same counselors that the previous bishop had.  A fourth (approximately) of my previous ward stayed in the fifth ward with my previous bishop.

This is normal in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Completely normal.  That doesn't mean that it's easy for those that go through the experience.

I'm looking at everything from the perspective of my calling in what is now my previous ward.  I love working with the young men in the ward.  I am second counselor in the Young Mens Presidency and Scoutmaster.  But on 10 April, I will be released from that calling.  And that puts me smack dab in the middle of the unknown.

My new bishop will certainly meet with me before 10 April and will extend a new calling to me in this new ward.  Hopefully, it will be second counselor in the Young Mens Presidency and Scoutmaster.  That is likely to be the case.  Yet there are still a lot of uncertainties.

The troop over which I was Scoutmaster, Troop 770, stays with its chartered organization.  The new eighth ward will get its own troop and unit number.  I'll have to pick the numbers off of my sleeve (yet again) and sew new numbers on.  The troop flag?  Not my troop's flag any more. What about summer camp?  I registered the existing troop for summer camp.  What will the new troop do?  That's still up in the air.  What happens to the troop equipment trailer?  If it doesn't end up with me, then I'm REALLY starting over--even more than I had imagined.

My own sons were looking forward to a youth conference--a trip to serve people in the Navajo Nation followed by a couple of days of boating at Lake Powell.  That's not going to happen now.  It was spearheaded by the bishop of what is now the "other" ward.

*heavy sigh*

Yet I know that before too long, all of these questions will be answered.  I'll pick up the pieces that are left--whatever they may be, dust them off, and move forward.  Best of all, I'm not really starting from scratch, because the experiences I had in my previous ward come with me.  I'll be able to use that as a launching point to reach new heights.

If the Lord wants me to serve somewhere else, I'll help the new Scoutmaster in any way I can and I'll jump into my new calling with both feet.

I think that may be why Brother Card called this reorganization a "terrible, wonderful thing" that we do to ourselves in the LDS Church.

Disclaimer – The views expressed here are the opinions of DeShawn Smith and do not necessarily reflect the views of Employer Solutions Group or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I'm twenty pounds lighter than I was at the beginning of the year. That just feels good. I'm twenty pounds lighter despite the fact that I've learned how to smoke meat. I'm twenty pounds lighter despite the fact that I still haven't been able to work exercise into my schedule yet. I'm twenty pounds lighter despite the fact that I quit counting calories weeks ago.

I'm not losing weight as quickly as I did in the beginning, but I'm still plugging away at about a pound and a half a week, without counting calories and without exercising. That, in itself, is a big win for me. I've even "splurged" a little bit--going out to JCW's with my family and eating too much gumbo last weekend.

I'm halfway to my initial goal that will put me back under 200 pounds again, at which point, I'll reevaluate how much more weight I need to lose. But at that point it won't be very much at all--maybe about 8-10 pounds.

In 5 more pounds, I'm going to get my suits dry cleaned because they'll fit me again. It's going to feel good. It should only be about three weeks from now.

A friend and I were discussing food (I know, surprise, surprise) a few months back at the beginning of Sunday School.  It was more than likely fast Sunday.  This friend is from Mississippi and as we discussed Dutch Oven cooking, he talked about how long it had been since he had made gumbo.  As we continued talking (and salivating, might I add) about gumbo, my friend told me that he thought that dutch oven cooking and gumbo were a natural match.

As Mardi Gras approached, we decided that we could celebrate by cooking up a big pot of gumbo.  Then we realized that Fat Tuesday, being a Tuesday, would be a bad day to attempt a gumbo.  Gumbo takes a while to cook.

If you're not familiar with gumbo, you can check out the Wikipedia article here.  For the less curious among you, I'll summarize:

Gumbo is a type of stew that originated in Louisiana.  It's uses stock, "trinity" (celery, onion, and bell pepper in Louisiana), meat or shellfish, and some sort of thickener.  It's the thickener that makes the gumbo what it is.  It's usually a roux made of flour and some sort of fat, okra, filé powder (sassafrass leaves, dried and ground), or a combination of the three.  Gumbo actually combines culinary influences from several cultures: French, Spanish, German, West African, and Choctaw.  The name comes either from the African word for okra (ki ngombo) or the Choctaw word for filé (kombo).

There are two main varieties of gumbo.  Creole gumbo usually has tomatoes, shellfish, and a thickener.  Cajun gumbo is based on a dark roux and is spicier.  It can contain shellfish or fowl.

My friend described the dark roux and talked about a chicken and sausage gumbo, so it was pretty clear that he was talking about Cajun gumbo.

We finally got together on Saturday, armed with his mother's gumbo recipe, a pile of ingredients, and my dutch oven equipment to give it a try.

The recipe (with pictures), if you're interested, can be found on dutchovenchef.com.

The roux was the most fascinating part of the process.  It was made of nothing but vegetable oil and flour that is cooked until it darkens to a nice chocolate brown color.  As I continued to stir, it became progressively darker in color and smelled more and more like chicken frying, minus the smell of the actual chicken.  I could feel the heat radiating from the Dutch oven, so I knew that it was getting hotter and hotter and the flour became darker and darker as it toasted in the hot oil.

Without the roux, the gumbo would just be another pot of soup.

In the end, we had a savory, spicy gumbo that disappeared way too quickly.  I ate the last of it for lunch yesterday.  I'm definitely going to make it again.

But the best part of the day, for me, was both learning something new (how to make gumbo) from a good friend while being able to teach him something new (dutch oven cooking).  The only thing to "rue" on Saturday was that the day ended.

Kidney stones, I mean.

Yesterday, I was surprised to pass my eighth kidney stone.  Yes surprised.  It looked like it was about 2-ish millimeters.

I've had some kidney-stone-like pains off and on for the last couple of months.  Nothing excruciating.  Just enough to make me wonder if something is going on in there.  Yesterday, I knew for sure:  YES.  Something WAS going on in there.

Here's hoping that the rest of the kidney stones I ever have (may they be few) are as relatively painless as this one was.

I know I'm seriously in the minority when it comes to sports.  I suck at most all of them.  I've never been able to get that good spiral on a football.  I wasn't ever able to play well enough to get into the infield on my little league baseball team--and I was even on the crappy "Security Bank" team that won about one game a season.  Basketball?  Forget about it.  Other team sports?  I haven't gotten past the part where your own teammates berate you and belittle you if you do something wrong.  I used to enjoy racquetball, but a torn tendon put an unfortunately permanent end to that.

Now I know that this isn't necessarily out of the ordinary.  The problem with me is that I never EVER got the whole sports fan thing. I enjoy watching a good game of whatever, but just can't feel the euphoria over a win or the pain of a loss. It just doesn't affect me when people I don't know playing a sport I can't play do well OR do poorly.

Rabid fan-dom baffles me.

That having been said, I must say that there are certain college football teams that I enjoy watching more than others.  College football is my sport of choice.  I really enjoy the fall--I look forward to it.  But win or lose, I enjoy watching my teams play.  I don't get overly excited about the wins and I don't mope about after a loss.

I honestly can't stand watching basketball. I went to a Jazz game when the company I worked for at the time made a Jazz game a company "event."  I believe that I enjoyed the food before the game much more than the actual game.  I don't remember if the Jazz won or lost.  It was the first time I saw a Jazz game "live" since the Jazz vs Celtics game I saw the Salt Palace when I was 16 years old.

I watched the Jazz play a few years back when they were making runs for championships, but it was more about "doing something with other people" than watching the basketball.

I've never watched a BYU basketball game in my life--nor any other college basketball game for that matter.

Now that I think about it, I don't support professional sports at all.  I don't go to games, I don't buy merchandise, and I don't even watch the games on television.

Nope.  Fan-dom doesn't speak to me, though I don't begrudge others their fun in it all.

I do sometimes use it for my own enjoyment. I love taking the "other" side in a one-sided crowd.  It really depends on the crowd though--in some crowds of "blue-bleeders," I might end up actually bleeding red.

This morning, I'm fifteen (and a half) pounds lighter than I was when I started counting calories.  I actually quit counting calories a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still maintaining a weight loss of between a pound and a half and two pounds a week.  As a matter of fact, on 1 February, I posted that I'd lost 7 pounds.  Today, I'm posting that I've lost 15 pounds.  That's 8 pounds of weight loss in 4 weeks--exactly 2 pounds a week!

This is even after a bit of "celebration" over the weekend.  I enjoyed pizza from The Pie, sparkling cider, and a nice breakfast at a B&B.  The main difference now is that I had two slices of pizza instead of 3 or 4 or more.  Because of the breakfast, I decided to forgo lunch.  Choices like that allow me to still enjoy the foods I love without there being more and more and MORE of me to love.

At this rate, I should hit my first goal of losing 40 lbs at the end of May.  I believe that I'll probably slow down a little bit around the end of March because when I have less of me, that means that the same amount of calories will result in less weight lost.  Starting in April, I'm going to target a pound and a half weight loss per week instead of two pounds per week.  More realistically, I'll hit this first goal by the end of June.  At that point, I'll reassess where I'm at and I'll likely set a second goal of losing around 10 more pounds.

I love that I have a plan and that the plan is working!  Even better: this plan is something I can do even when things happen--like torn tendons and surgeries and not being able to ride my bike.  This is something I can do ANY time.  All it takes is a little bit of time and a lot of willpower.

My wife called me yesterday afternoon and told me that our radiant heating system in the basement wasn't working.

What??  That system isn't even five years old yet!  Ugh.

I came home and checked it out.  Yes, the basement was colder than the 60 degrees we keep it at when nobody is down there.  Yes, the pumps used to circulate the water through the system were running.  No, the boiler wasn't on, so no water was being heated.  That was obviously the problem.

I remembered the plumbing contractor who installed the system telling me that it was set up so that when water was flowing through the boiler, it would automatically turn on.  When water wasn't flowing through the boiler, it would turn off.  Something was wrong with the boiler.

Ugh.

I took the front plate off of the boiler (after turning the gas off, of course) and took a look at it.  It looked pretty simple.  There was a grey box with a couple of buttons on it: Test and Reset.  I pushed the Test button and a red LED came on.  I pushed reset and the red LED turned off.  The power supply was working just fine.

A quick Internet search led me to the manual for the Takagi T-KJr. "Instantaneous Water Heater" and after looking at the manual for a couple of minutes, I decided to try cleaning the water filter.  I knew, however, that this would depressurize the system and it would let air into the system.  Both didn't seem like very good ideas, but by cleaning the water filter, I could try circulating water, and if the burner in the water heater came on, I would know that the source of the problem was fixed.  And besides, the manual said that "This procedure is highly recommended."

So I decided to give it a shot.  I grabbed a bucket and took out the filter.  There was a fair amount of sediment in the filter.  I rinsed it out thoroughly, reinstalled it, turned the power and gas back on, and turned on the nearest thermostat.  The burner fired up right away.  I had found and solved the problem.  Hooray!

However, by fixing the problem, I had created another problem--one that was really inevitable.  The gallon of water that drained out of the system while I was cleaning the filter let a gallon of air INTO the system and the water pressure in the system had dropped from about 12 PSI to zero.

At this point, I knew that I needed to bleed the air out of the system and I needed to repressurize the system.  Knowing WHAT I needed to do and knowing HOW to do it were two completely separate things.

So I went to the radiant heating panel to see if I could figure out what to do next.

Hmmm.

I saw eight valves, three spigots, three pumps, and quite the array of pipes.

I did some Internet searches.  Google didn't seem to be helping me out.

Hmmm...

I came to the conclusion that I needed to call my friend and former student, Kyle, and pay him to come and fix the air/zero pressure problem.  I left a message, and continued to puzzle over this little problem.

Hmmm...

I came to the new conclusion that if I knew the direction of water flow, I would know which of the three spigots to connect to the water supply and which of the three spigots I should let water drain out of to force the air out of the system.  I figured that the pumps would have some sort of marking on them telling which direction they were pumping the water.  They did...but the markings were back where I couldn't see them.  Google helped me out this time.  I searched for the make and model of pump and quickly found a diagram.

With this bit of knowledge, I quickly figured out how the water flowed through the system.  I headed off to Wal-Mart to get hoses--one long enough to reach from the water supply (cold water supply for the washing machine) to the radiant heating panel, and the other long enough to reach from the radiant heating panel to the drain on the floor.  I also needed a hose with two "female" ends.  They don't sell such a thing, so I bought a regular hose and a "female" end repair kit.  I cut the male end off of the new hose and attached the repair kit and I was ready to get the system working.

I closed all of the valves on the system, attached the hoses, turned on the water, and then, using the valves, I ran fresh water through the system, one section at a time.  I heard the air gurgling through the pipes and saw the bubbles exit the drain hose.  I also saw the little bit of dirty water (from the dirt I had dislodged when I took out the water filter) leave the system and go down the drain.

After running water through each section of the system for a few minutes without hearing or seeing any air bubbles, I was pretty sure that there was no air left anywhere in the system.  I closed the outlet spigot and let the water pressure build up (watching the pressure gauge) until it hit 12 PSI.  I closed the inlet spigot, and I ended up with an air-free, pressurized system.

The final test--I opened all of the valves (for normal operation), powered up the pump system and the boiler, turned on the gas, and then turned on the heat from the thermostats.

And EVERYTHING.  WORKED.  PERFECTLY.

I don't know how much it would have cost to have a repairman come and do the work, but I'm sure I saved a bunch of money.  But more importantly, I have the equipment and the know-how to maintain my radiant heating system!